I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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