is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
