is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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