i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish there were birth control emojis
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
this is an emotional support booty call
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
