people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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