At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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