Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize