The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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