i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
