And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did I show you my penis last night?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
