does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
