I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
