I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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