It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
smell my finger.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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