Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
