They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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