It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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