you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize