At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
