We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
