I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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