I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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