I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize