I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
