Your face is a jimmy john
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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