Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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