Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize