what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i think i just lost a toe
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize