i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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