I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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