He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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