somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
