Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
