You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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