u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
