Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
