Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
