I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
