she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
