The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
