I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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