The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
