I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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