ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
