My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
