Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
