I bet he comes in French.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
