So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
