when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All I want is dick and wine.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
