You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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