is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
