His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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