Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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