I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
