Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
