I got chris browned last night
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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