drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
