I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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