It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
