So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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