hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
