It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
