Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
