Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
