I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
