we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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